Word. Check it out while I break this down,

Ba-ba-ba-bargains! Buh- -buh- -buh- -bargains
Ba-ba-ba-bargains! Buh- -buh- -buh- -bargains

You see I got a little problem with the Salvation Army
I been spending so much time there they be thinking I’m barmy
The same goes for the story at St. Vincent DePaul
I been bustin’ through the doorway and been takin’ it all

My wallet is fat I’ve got my 2 $20’s folded
I hide the ATM receipt cause I don’t want to get scolded
You see my lady doesn’t like it when I bring home that junk
Says I’m a trinket collector and a no account punk

Rollin’ up on Goodwill in my silver Toyota
I snatch your granny’s old shit till I fill up my quota
I be down with her dishes, I be down with her quilt
I be down with that birdhouse your drunk granddaddy built

I’m an 8 Track collector and a Mid-Century slave
I’m a rubbish prospector with a seventies crave
I think these funky glass grapes would look good on the credenza
Every purchase that I make accelerates my affluenza

I buy old books by the dozen, some about to fall apart
and then I put them in my bookcase so my friends think I’m smart
I’m huntin’ down the old records, like a sick vinyl lecher
I’ve got all the best titles by Ferrante and Teicher

(Chorus)
Been spending too much time
Living in a thrift store paradigm
Gotta find a new pastime
Break free of that thrift store paradigm

I found a magic eight ball that only tells me good news
and a K-Mart windbreaker and a pair of earth shoes
a box of altar candles and some View-Master reels
Yo, you’ll never understand just how exciting that feels

I bought an Avon decanter that’s a bust of Abe Lincoln
dropped 2-fitty on the counter without even blinkin’
It’s full of vintage Deep Woods aftershave
and when the ladies smell me coming they can hardly behave

I watch “A Star Is Born” on videocassette
I even found a yellowed copy of the novelette
I read it out loud while the album is playin’
I even bought the t-shirt! – I know your jelly, just sayin’

I got a baseball glove signed with some other kid’s name
I got a Fisher Price schoolhouse and a Sorry board game
I got 60 year old puzzles that are missing some pieces
and a Cabbage Patch Doll that is reeking of feces

I bought a Sony Watchman that can’t pick up no reception
Tell myself it has some value in an act of self-deception
I buy old ashtrays by the dozen and I don’t even smoke
I buy Hi-Fi equipment and then wonder I why I’m broke

I got Jesus and his Mother rolling in my shopping cart
the way I waste my time and money really breaks their sacred hearts
but I’ve been so very blessed with such abundance of riches
that I eat my Jalapeño Cheetos out of milk glass, bitches!

Been spending too much time
Living in a thrift store paradigm
Gotta find a new pastime
Break free of that thrift store paradigm

Driving north and south hitting all of the shops
I scored a nearly mint game of Battling Tops
along with Colonel Steve Austin minus his left shoe
and an autographed cassette by Loretta Lynn too

I’m reading Wit and Wisdom of one Billy Carter
wondering if a human being could get any smarter
Sippin’ coffee just thinkin’ ‘bout his words so weighty
out a Jimmy Carter mug from Campaign ‘80

I bought one boxing glove, could be from a title bout
and Raggedy Ann and Andy about to make out
A homemade doll of JFK dressed in a pantsuit
and a creepy leprechaun that has drunk full his snoot

I got a 905 can that was once full of beer
By now your finally understanding there’s a problem here
And just when I think that my addiction is gone
I spot a Kristy McNichol iron-on

I own four separate volumes signed by Rocky Sickmann
I’ll sell you one for ten dollars and that ain’t no trick man
Who needs a pair of Realistic weather radios?
or a Highlights magazine featuring The Timbertoes?

The weight of my nostalgia is making me sweat
Can’t think of nothing to buy, that I ain’t bought yet
My basement is full but I got attic space free
so I’ll catch you on the flipside cause I’m off on a spree

Been spending too much time
Living in a thrift store paradigm
Gotta find a new pastime
Break free of that thrift store paradigm

Every nickel and every dime
Wasted in a thrift store paradigm
Gotta find a new pastime
Break free of that thrift store paradigm

(Special thanks to Coolio for inspiration on the chorus)